


this is the last time

by tokiwas



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 07:10:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14130801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tokiwas/pseuds/tokiwas
Summary: Originally posted in the Pacific Rim Kink Meme way back in 2013.Prompt: "That scene in the hallway between Chuck and Stacker in the movie — how did it play out in an AU where Chuck was the one who broke his collarbone?"





	this is the last time

**Author's Note:**

> Link to full prompt: https://pacificrimkink.livejournal.com/2747.html?thread=4554939#t4554939
> 
> Title taken from "This Is The Last Time" by The National.

Maybe this is how it was always meant to be.  
  
Hercules Hansen and Stacker Pentecost, decked out in drivesuits, Striker Eureka and Coyote Tango’s emblems standing side by side. The two men who had fought through the war, from Mark 1 to Mark 5, piloting the first and last Mark 5 Jaeger together, fighting the battle that will decide the fate of humanity.  
  
But that isn’t how Herc Hansen had ever imagined it to be.  
  
He had always thought he would be piloting with his son, going down together, in their Jaeger - their home. Striker had always been home to them, the silence of the drift patching up the holes that Scissure tore in their relationship. Now he’s about to drift with a man he’s never drifted with before, and while he trusts Stacker enough to drift with him, the state of health of his old friend, despite how strong he looks, will definitely affect how well they drift together.  
  
But he’ll have to drift with the man, anyhow. If he doesn’t drift with the man, they’ll all die. Chuck will die. Chuck, who had disappeared from medical bay an hour ago, and Herc still hasn’t found him or his dog. Herc has fought tooth and nail throughout the entire war for his son. He knows he was far from being a good parent, but throughout his whole life in war he had been a parent in the only way he knew how to be one - by protecting his son as a soldier. Chuck has the best chance of living outside the Jaeger, and if he has to drift with a man he’s never drifted with before, if he has to go on a suicide mission, he’ll do it, as long as Chuck can live.  
  
It’s better this way.  
  
But Herc can’t help but ask Stacker about their situation. He knows Stacker won’t lie to him, and to tell the truth, some reassurance from an old friend is something Herc needs at a time like this.  
  
“Stacker,” he calls, and Stacker turns to him.  
  
“We’ve never drifted together before,” Herc says, and he knows it’s enough for Stacker to understand what he’s trying to say.  
  
“I know why you’re worried,” Stacker says quietly. “But I carry nothing into the drift. Nothing, not even my state of health.”  
  
Herc doesn’t say anything.  
  
“We’ve fought this war together ever since Sydney,” Stacker continues. “You and I know each other enough to make this work.”  
  
A sudden bark makes him turn around to see his son, arm in a sling, with Max trotting beside him. There’s an expression on Chuck’s face that Herc hasn’t seen since Scissure. It’s fear, and Herc had never wanted to see that expression on his son’s face ever since the day their life tore to shambles.  
  
_This is the last time he’ll ever have that expression on his face_ , Herc tells himself.  
  
“You’re more than you think you are, Hercules,” Stacker says, his eyes flickering to Chuck, and then back to Herc. “We’ll drift just fine.”  
  
He steps back, allowing Herc to say one final goodbye.  
  
**

This isn’t the first time he doesn’t know what to say.

Watching his dad walk up to him, the usual stern expression on his face replaced with something raw and open, he doesn’t know what to do.

This time, it’s different.

This time, it’s going to be the last time he’ll ever get to say anything.

He had ran away from Medical Bay, hid out in an empty room with his dog when Herc had went to ask Stacker about their situation after the announcement for all the Jaeger Pilots to get ready. He had been angry. He still is angry. Why the fuck did he disengage, why the fuck did he want to look for a way out. Maybe he should have listened to his dad, wait for a bit, then he wouldn’t have gotten himself a clipped shoulder and he wouldn’t have to watch his dad go off to die.

Everyone he loves seems to die for him.

It isn’t fucking fair.

Herc gives Chuck a reassuring smile. It doesn’t last for long, and they break eye contact after a few moments. This is different. This has never happened before. Usually Chuck can hold his father up into a glare full of anger and hatred, but now he can’t even last a few seconds without having to look away.

“When you drift with someone,” Herc says softly. “You feel like there’s nothing to talk about.”

Chuck wants to yell at him, tell him to shut up, tell him to just fucking stop talking because if he keeps talking he doesn’t know how he can keep this façade up anymore. This façade of  _I’m going to watch my father go off to die and I won’t cry about it, even though dad’s the only person I have left and once he dies I’ll be all alone._

“I just don’t want to regret all the things I’ve never said out loud,” Herc continues, his voice breaking.

_I love you. I’m so proud of you._  The words Herc always says to Chuck every time they drift, the words Herc has never said out loud to Chuck. Some part of Chuck wants his dad to hold him, tell him all those things he never said, say I love you and I’m proud of you in his voice and not just the drift. But another part of him doesn’t want it. Doesn’t need it.

The silence of the drift had always been home. And maybe it’s better, Chuck thinks, that he keeps those words in the silence. Treasure them in the spaces of his mind where Herc’s mind fits. Cherish those words in calming quiet, because only then, that’s where he’s home.

Chuck doesn’t know how the words come out of his mouth, but for the first time in his life, he actually says something. Something that isn’t fuelled with anger or hate. Something he really means.

“You don’t have to,” he hears himself say. “I know them all. I always have.”

Herc’s eyes water, and Chuck can’t look at them. He doesn’t want to see his dad cry.

The sound of Max barking makes Herc look down, and the old soldier smiles, bending down to pet the dog.

“You take care of Chuck for me, yeah?” Herc tells Max, ruffling the bulldog’s fur, and Chuck can feel his own eyes burn. Herc’s words seem like a conformation, he’s not coming back, and there’s only a dog left to take care of Chuck in the loneliest world he’ll ever know.

Herc smiles at Chuck when he gets to his feet, and for the first time since their first drift Chuck feels himself pulled into his father’s arms, his forehead hits Herc’s chest. His dad holds him close, and they don’t say anything.

Chuck thinks of the drift, the calming quiet the both of them share in their Jaeger. This is the silence they cherish in the drift. This, in his father’s arms, is home.

The moment is gone too soon as Herc pulls away, wipes away the tears from Chuck’s face that he never knew fell. They still don’t say anything, but Herc’s smile never fades as he turns around, walking to Stacker. Chuck can see his dad’s head drop a little as he walks to the elevator.

“Marshall,” he calls out, and he’s surprised the Marshall can hear him, with how soft his voice was.

Pentecost looks at him, eyes questioning.

“My father always said, if you have the shot then you take it.” He attempts a grin, and turns away before the Marshall or his father can say anything.

His dad will know what it means.

He knows it all, anyway.

He always has.


End file.
